The inventor of the internet

Very rarely do celebrities actually invent anything. I tend to think of them as... as... well... celebrities and not really inventors but every once in a while a celebrity comes along and invents something. Which brings us to the question of who invented the internet? I don't know why this subject pops into my head every once in a while and when it does it plagues me. You might think that Al Gore invented the internet which reminds me of a conversation my friends had last week that went something like this,
"I don't believe you."
"Well, I believe myself."
"If you believe yourself, that still does not make two people believing you. You are still just one person."

Which maybe is the reason Al Gore mentioned he invented the internet a bunch of times. Maybe every time he mentions it he thinks it is one more vote to change written history in his favor.

Maybe you think a science fiction writer like William Gibson or something invented the idea of the internet but none of what I've just written is true. I might as well have just made up a story about it raining fish in Australia or something. Oops, wait a minute <a href="" target="_blank">that's true</a>.

Ok. Here's the real story. George Antheil a pianist from Trenton, New Jersey meets his neighbor Hedy Lamarr in 1940 in Hollywood. Lamarr asks Antheil a question about glands because she would like to enlarge the size of her breasts and the conversation quickly turns to large weapons. Antheil said he would like to track her torpedoes around the neighborhood but Lamarr was more interested in recieving signals from many other friendly transmissions and dodge the enemies' radar field.

So Lamarr went home all hot and bothered and drew up this diagram which was the beginning of frequency hopping. This same technology is still used today to transfer information over radio waves like for cell phones and internet use and stuff. So my candidate for the inventor of the internet (which of course is totally up for debate) is Hedy Lamarr!

First day on the job

A Ukranian man got a new job at an architectural firm in Chicago. Not that it is important that he is Ukrainian or that he is in Boston but it was his first day at the new job. It is also not important what he knows or doesn’t know about architecture neither is it important what his title is or what duties are expected or not expected of him to perform. 

I’m telling you all this because this is sort of what he was thinking to himself after he parked his car in the parking garage and was walking down the hallway towards the elevator or the way that he thought was towards the elevator. Again. First day. New building.

He found himself lost in a maze of hallways in one of the basements of the building and that is when he saw it next to a very solid looking giant locked industrial strength door. A red metal box built into the wall framed with a piece of glass, like a fire hose, only this box didn’t have a fire hose in it. There was a crucifix, a wooden stake with a mallet, some cloves of garlic and a vial of holy water. Under the glass painted on the red metal in bold white sans serif letters, a sign said “IN CASE OF VAMPIRE ATTACK, BREAK GLASS.”

The Ukranian architect thought I guess its a good thing he doesn’t work the night shift.

Jimmy Carter was a Robotoid

In October 1969, Jimmy Carter saw a UFO while he was the Governor of Atlanta and reported it to the International UFO Bureau.  He was 44 years old.  He said, “It was the darndest thing I've ever seen… If I become President, I'll make every piece of information this country has about UFO sightings available to the public and the scientists.”

After that encounter, Jimmy Carter didn’t last too much longer. During his presidency, Jimmy Carter was replaced with a humanoid that was made of cow parts. This technology was not too good and the FBI had to use a lot of cows to maintain the humanoid. That is the reason for all the increase of cattle mutilations during the Carter years. Remember those? The unexplained mutilaton of cows all over the place? You don't hear too much about that anymore, do you?

The media started to catch on so the technology had to be upgraded.  In 1979, Jimmy Carter the humanoid was replaced by a robotoid.  The robotoid was easier to maintain. The robotoid did not need as may cow parts to keep it looking fresh.

It is a pretty intense process to build a robotoid, according to Audio Letter No. 46. By Dr. Peter David Beter, “Robotoids are "manufactured" first by copying the memory of an entire brain. A holographic image is made of the host’s brain and that is transferred into the biological matter functioning as a brain of the robotoid, but adjustments have to be taught and programmed into the mind of the robotoid since the body and brain of the robotoid are not identical to the original person being copied.”